I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
