i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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