Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
