Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
