You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
