He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
