I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
