I hate your face
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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