she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
