You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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