Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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