i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
