I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
