how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Moan for me like Helen Keller
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
