brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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