i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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