wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
