By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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