Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
