just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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