it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
