you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
