Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
