its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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