i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
