Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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