thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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