yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
