Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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