Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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