So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
