I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
