It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
