YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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