apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
