Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
