her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
