He disabled his match.com account in front of me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
