there's paper in my vomit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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