No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
