just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
