so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
