no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
