Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
