Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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