Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize