He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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