Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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