So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
