Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
