i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
