overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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