I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
bring money and cleavage
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
