Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
