Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
