We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
