you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
