I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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