God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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