so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
