You can't motorboat a personality
organizing the empties. That sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
