i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
