I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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